The Desire for Connection

Many who know me have heard me rant a time or two about hating people. Most know that I’m kidding, but some are skeptical. The ones who are skeptical know me best. Now, for the record, I don’t hate people. I’m not particularly fond of humans as a whole, but I love individuals. And when I say “individual” I’m not talking about uniqueness or individuality, but rather you and me, on a personal level, communicating. 

This is important to me that you understand. Because truthfully, I’m not a huge fan of the general public, but I love the individuals that society consists of. There is something so great about getting to know someone and beginning to hear their deep thoughts. Finding out what makes them tick and how they view the world is fascinating. 

Here’s something about me, I hate bees. A truly, honest to goodness, hate. I despise them. This isn’t like when I say I hate people, because truly, I only hate large groups of people that expect me to interact and socialize. But some people see bees and think, “What a marvelous thing to God’s creation, how they pollenate flowers and make honey.” I firmly believe that bees are a product of the fall. Have you ever taken a good look at a bee? Specifically wasps? They are like little demons with wings. They have a tiny, beady little head and it’s butt is detached from the rest of it’s body. It’s disturbing. Most people when the see one of these flying terrors, have the response of: “If I don’t bother it, it won’t bother me.” They are wrong in this line of thought. When I see a bee, I freeze. My thoughts are oh gosh. It sees me. It is currently planning the best way to kill me. My life is over. Dear God, please, please, please sned that bee away. Now, these thoughts might vaguely resemble that of a crazed person, but I’m okay with that. The rest of the world simply doesn’t see how malicious and cunning bees are. 

This is just an example of how I see the world. I find it odd that more people don’t have the desire to run screaming in terror when a wasp flys within a fifty foot yard of them. Really, I do not understand it. I am thankful that most people aren’t as terrified as them as I am, because then I would have no one to kill them for me when they happen to find their way into my place of dwelling.

Now, in an attempt to bring it back closer to a full circle, I have often said I would be happiest living in the woods somewhere, alone, with only my siberian husky and a cat to keep me company. I would order everything I needed to be airdropped, or allow one of my brothers to make a supply trip up once a month. Considering my dislike of people, I thought this would be the perfect idea. 

A couple months ago, I packed up my instruments and music degree and moved to Memphis. It really wasn’t as exciting as it may seem, but I was following what I felt was God’s call on my life, and hoping that Memphis was only a temporary stop on my journey. I moved into my apartment and things just kind of halted. My roommate worked full time, I didn’t have a job yet, I couldn’t get keys to the apartment or building until I had a job, so I found myself trapped in an apartment, alone. For the first week I thought: This is paradise! But one week turned into two, which turned into three and a month later with no job and no keys and barely leaving the apartment, I was starting to get anxious. I was feeling cooped up and to my utmost surprise….lonely. I, Alexa Hunt, the people hating borderline hermit was incredibly lonely.    

I honestly didn’t expect that. I always thought I would love being alone. I could think freely without interruption, I could read peacefully, I could apply to several hundred of jobs without being bothered by unwelcome noises, but I realized I wanted all of that. I enjoy noise. I enjoy commotion. I like having people nearby, even if they’re not in the same room as me. It’s comforting. 

I have come to find, that even if I don’t enjoy large groups of people, I enjoy companionship. My plans for being a hermit have been shelved. Maybe when I’m sixty-five, cranky, and miserable I will go back to my plans to live alone in the woods, but probably not. I have discovered that I need people. How weird is that? I need people. 

And this is how much. 

I hate monopoly. I always have, it’s just not a game that I particularly enjoy. But tonight, Danny and I took off for Arkansas at twelve in the morning to pick up monopoly, drive back to the school, where I proceeded to loose dreadfully until four in the morning. I still hate monopoly, but I enjoyed being with friends. It was refreshing not to be alone. 

I think it’s interesting that God created even the most antisocial of us to need other humans. I think in this, we find a reflection of our relationship with him. I was lonely when I had extensive time to myself, I needed human connection. Spiritually, we need a connection with God to find completion in our lives. I truly believe that in as much that humans need other humans to be complete and happy in life, that humans also need God to find wholeness and satisfaction in life.